Abuse & Sexual Assault
When I began working as a hypnotherapist, I didn’t know the statistics for abuse or sexual assault. Even if I had known the statistics, they don’t include all the boys, girls, women and men who stay silent about it.
What I can tell you now is that the numbers must be quite high, because about one in every three people I see have experienced physical and/or sexual abuse in their lives. Most of the time it occurred during childhood. Although, there is an increase in adults reporting recent trauma, too.
Most victims blame themselves for the assault or abuse regardless of who did it, whether it’s a boss, boyfriend, babysitter, spouse, relative or stranger. The most common phrase I hear is, “If I had only….then it wouldn’t have happened.”
This is totally a false belief that infiltrates all aspects of a person’s life and needs to be reprogrammed during a hypnotherapy session. It’s not your fault. Sexual assault is usually about power and not even about sexual satisfaction.
The #MeToo global movement that began in October 2017 has given women, in particular, a realization that we are not alone. It is a movement that first started over 11 years ago by activist Tarana Burke to harness “empowerment through empathy” for victims of violence and sexual assault. After actress Alyssa Milano asked victims to tweet “me too” on social media, the two-word hashtag spread millions of times with many personal stories from actors such as Reese Witherspoon, Lady Gaga, Ellen DeGeneres, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jennifer Lawrence, Ashley Judd, and the list goes on. There is now a movement for men, who have been sexually assaulted, raped, or abused called #IWillSpeak. Time's Up Now is an American legal defense fund to subsidize legal battles that people may launch if they have experienced assault, sexual harassment, or abuse in the workplace. In Canada what is there for support? Contact me and we'll work together to get what you need.
When a person comes forward and brings everything into the open, there is a range of things that can happen. It can even lead to Constructive Dismissal in the workplace. But, there is a higher cost to the human spirit if you stay silent. During hypnotherapy you do not have to relive it. Regression is not needed if the root of the problem is already known. Instead, a hypnotherapy session will help to give you back your sense of self-worth and confidence at all levels of consciousness.
Grief & Loss Support
When you experience a loss, it can feel like you are being swallowed up by grief.
It can even be difficult to admit when you need help climbing out of the pit of despair. Pride gets in the way. We tell ourselves, “This too shall pass.” Then the sadness drags on, and on, and on. The longer it goes, the harder it seems to make a recovery. We’re left wondering when we will make the shift from painful grief to happy memories. Does any of this sound familiar?
I’ve seen many people lift out of extreme grief with hypnotherapy. You cannot change the loss, but you can forever change the way you live with the loss.
Stages of Grief
Psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross is credited with being the first to talk about there being stages of grief in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. Although academics talk about the existence of seven stages today, Kübler-Ross laid the groundwork. In later years she explained that the stages represent a process of grieving that is not linear. Rather, when we grieve, we move in and out of phases as well as back and forth through these phases.
The following provides an example of an adult grieving about the bad relationship they have with their living parent. In the process, they express what they needed from their parent as a child growing up. Here is what it looks like to move through the stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Denial: “I can’t believe a parent would treat their child like that.”
Anger: “It’s not fair. You as a parent are supposed to choose me over your _________.” (i.e. lover or addiction or job in another city or your own selfish interests). “You’d choose that over a loving relationship with me?”
Bargaining: “If you would only quit drinking, then we could have a good relationship. Call me when you are sober.” "Don't you feel regret and want to make things right before you die?"
Depression: “Why didn’t they love me? Why wasn’t I good enough to love?"
Then when reconciliation doesn’t happen, there is mourning the loss of the parent that you wish you would have had as well as mourning the parent that you did have (often with a mixture of guilt for disliking the person who gave you life and knowing you don't love for them the way you are supposed to).
Acceptance: “I choose to release the hurt and pain. I choose to focus on the good memories. I choose to see my parent with flaws that say more about them and their weaknesses than about my worth.”
Although these stages of grief have been presented to provide some understanding, my experience from working with people is that there are as many ways to grieve, as there are types of grief.
Types of Grief
What is the first thing that you think of when you think of grief? Death of a loved one? There are so many types of grief that I’ve dealt with through my hypnotherapy practice and personal experiences. If any of these resonate with you, and you want help to see the light at the end of the tunnel, please contact me. You don’t have to go it alone.
List of the many types of grief (in no particular order of importance):
- Death of a loved one (natural, accident, murder, suicide, miscarriage, still birth)
- Death of a serious relationship, marriage or what we thought we had in our marriage (divorce, separation, betrayal, recognizing different values or different desires for the relationship).
- Death of an image of or hope we had about our parent or about our relationship with them.
- Grief over substance abuse.
- Grief of losing hopes and dreams that we had for our child or for someone else we care about.
- Grief from the loss of innocence.
- Grief over the loss of a job or career (e.g. layoff, fired, quit, retired).
- Grief at the sudden realization that you got old? Who is that in the mirror?
- Death of a beloved pet.
- Grief at the loss of material things.
- Grief from losing a way of life.
- Grief in having to leave everything behind and start life over in a new place or country.
- Grief for those you left behind.
- Grief after our children grow up and leave home (i.e. empty nest syndrome).
- Grieving the loss of your healthy body as you come to terms with your illness, the limitations that go with it, and what you need to do to deal with it.
Breaking Free From Grief
The one thing about grief is that we cannot go around it. We have to go through it.
But, you don’t have to go through it alone. We all could use layers of support at different times in our life. I am ready to be more than your sounding board by offering you hypnotherapy to carve a path out of the darkness. The techniques I use combine the most beneficial principles of hypnotherapy, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), psychotherapy, cognitive behavioural therapies, and more. Call me for a free consultation when you are ready to break free.
Separation & Divorce
There are such a bundle of mixed emotions whenever you are going through a break up. Most people go through the stages of grief and not in linear order. You can feel like you are making progress and then have a set back. Other people experience elation over breaking free from a toxic relationship. Either way, you need to take good care of yourself during this transition time so that you don’t go jumping from the frying pan into the fire while you’re on the rebound.
Have you ever heard your friend say, ”I saw this guy, and there was just something about him that really made me want to go over and talk to him”? That “something” may not be a good thing even though you are attracted to it. Remember, the mind loves what is familiar. If you don’t give yourself enough time in between relationships, there is a danger that you’ll get involved with a similar type of person that you just split up from. Instead, going through a separation or divorce is a good time to work on you and give yourself an upgrade.
Pick a support team to guide you out of the darkness and uplift you. Congratulate and praise yourself each and every day for taking actions that are going to improve your life. During this time of crisis, it may not feel like a celebration, but you will get through it and be even stronger as a result. You will be a new and improved version of you regardless of your age. Colonel Sanders was 62 years when he opened his first chain of restaurants. Louise Hay found love again in her 80’s. Jennifer Aniston….well you know what I’m getting at here.
In the meantime, do whatever you can to rise up from the ashes. This is no time for pride. If you are in survival mode, then know that your body and brain are already wired instinctively to help you survive. If you want to add support to that, then I know how to help.